cheating friends.

summer before sophomore year of high school - i started dating J.

he was older, taller, and richer than R. i thought i had hit the jack pot, especially since my parents almost sorta kinda approved of him since we had known one another for years.

he was very funny, always kept a smile on my face, introduced me into the world of seniors, with the drinking and partying and drivers licenses. it didn't hurt that he was hopelessly romantic.

when we first started dating summer of 2005, i was working at this little coffee bistro cafe; mostly just washing dishes and organizing. countless times he would show up spontaneously at my work to take me home in his jeep 4runner, occasionally with flowers and chocolates. even the older women who worked with me were jealous of his lavish gifts and affections.

our dates would consist of going to the movies, mini golfing, going out to dinner or a friend's house. yet, he always made me feel like the most important person in the room, no matter where we were.

even when i went back to my boarding school in the fall and he stayed in new jersey at one of the local catholic schools, he would still do extravagant things to express his love for me.

- there was the time he drove all the way to my school just to drop me off a burger because i was missing fast food and he only had had a half day of classes
-the time he brought flowers for me and my dorm teacher just because...
-or one day when we were fighting he showed up in the snow outside of my window with these huge posters written about his undying love for me

he was almost unreal.

our first christmas together was magical. he surprised me, took me to new york city for the day; we went to see Wicked! on broadway (even though he hated every minute of it), we took a carriage ride around central park and ended the evening with dinner at a beautiful italian restaurant. the next morning i woke up to mcdonalds pancakes, because he didn't know how to make them. it was just about the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.

i was 15 when i started dating J, about the same age my parents were when they got together.
i thought that it was fate - that we were made for one another.

and then a year later, i found pictures of him and another girl in his car, messages from her in his phone. and i forgave him.

he went to college. i started my junior year of high school. but i couldn't trust him not to hurt me, and for good reason.

he ended up meeting a girl from my high school, who was visiting his college. around easter he told me we should go on a break - and i found out he had already been seeing her. the two of them pranced around my school's campus so in love, and it hurt so badly.

i was so angry, so hurt, and so humiliated. until i realized that no gifts or proclamations of love could ever make what he did to me better. no flowers or rings or trips to new york - nothing could make me forget about the tears that i cried or the embarrassment i felt.

for years, i could not speak to him because i was so mad. however, god tells you to forgive others who trespass against you.

J and i are now friends. we hang out from time to time, he still makes me laugh.
and although i have forgiven him for hurting me, i can never forget.